Resolutions......It's That Time Again!!

Resolution is about determination and strong will.  It's about putting your mind toward something and seeing it through to completion.  Other words that come to mind are: dedication, perseverance, heart, energy, intent, tenacity, moxie.  So why are so many "New Years Resolutions" broken before the end of the first week of the new year?  I think we need to put our resolve back into our resolutions.

We live in a quick fix society.  If results are not instantaneous we are quick to pass judgment and proclaim failure.  Likewise, if we fall off the "cold turkey" bandwagon (think diet and smoking cessation here) we feel that we have failed.  "Try, try, try again" has fallen out of favour.  Our confidence is easily shattered at the first small taste of failure and patience is becoming a rare commodity in our culture.

What was your state of mind 10 years ago?  You were probably a different person than you are now.  When you make your resolutions this year think about where you want to be in 10 years time.  Anything is possible over the course of a decade.  Changes in your personal life, your professional life, your spiritual life, it does not matter what it is you desire to change.  With ample time anything is possible.  All you have to do is add the resolve.  Can't quit smoking cold turkey?  Resolve to smoke less each day, each week, each month.  Can't lose 20 lbs in 2 months?  Resolve to walk for 20 minutes 3 times per week, then 4, then 5, then make one walk 30 minutes.  Be tenacious.  Try, try, try again and again.  The slow and patient approach will break down the old habits without the anxiety you have come to associate with the quick fix approach.  Put your attention on what you can do right now and don't get hung up on unattainable goals and past failures.  We really need to enjoy what we are doing everyday.  Resolutions should not be viewed as punishment for past sins.  Resolutions should open the door to a happier life.

What is my resolution this year?  I resolve to be more mindful of each moment and live each one fully.  This year I resolve to give a resounding NO to multitasking every time it rears it's ugly head.  Perhaps we can all resolve to slow down just a little, appreciate our good fortune, then share some of it with someone less fortunate.

Happy New Year!!!

Copenhagen

I woke up after too little sleep.  Waking before my alarm is becoming a habit, in fact I rarely bother using an alarm anymore.  There is much on my mind this morning that has me questioning my choice of livelihood.  From issues that are deeply personal to the value of my work to the community as a whole, I am struggling to make sense of the world this morning.  I am overwhelmed by the enormity of the problems that face us on a global scale.  Bombarded with so much information about the world we live in I am left wondering what positive impact I could possibly have.  What can I do as an individual to make a difference?  To make a contribution?  To have a positive effect?  I know I am not alone with these thoughts and feelings.  This is becoming a common thread, a common feeling, as I read others blogs and comments on blogs.

Our leaders are meeting in Copenhagen this week.  I have no confidence that our elected representatives from Canada have my best interests at heart.  They will follow the money.  The short term money.  They seem to have no eye for the reality of the situation.  No understanding of the interdependence we share with all life on this planet.  I don't need a scientific study to tell me when we are getting it wrong.  We can all see it now.  We are all starting to feel it.  It is instinctual.

We are been misled.  It's time to wake up.  It's time to do what is right not just what is comfortable.

Breakdown

It's not only the equipment that breaks down out on the road.  I'm suffering from a deep feeling of mental fatigue today.  It builds up inside of you.  A combination of sleep debt and the stress of simply not knowing how your schedule is going to pan out.

I could here the fatigue in Deb's voice tonight when I made my daily call home. We tell one another everything is fine, everything is OK, things will work out as they usually do.  But the negative vibes have a way of humming across the airwaves.  We both know better. Our separation will have stretched out over 30 days on this trip, the result of equipment failure.  The result of breakdown.

We reciprocate:  "I miss you", "I love you",  "Talk to you tomorrow", neither one of us wanting to end the conversation.  Today we were both filled with a deep melancholy.

That mental fatigue has another name:  Loneliness.  

Incredible!!

I can't believe it.  After posting about bad luck and frustration earlier today I experienced yet another dose.  I didn't make it fifteen minutes away from our Calgary yard when all the bells, whistles and warning lights started going off on the truck.  My second major breakdown in the last week.

In my last post I quoted the Russian proverb: "He that is afraid of bad luck will never know good".  Perhaps what would be more appropriate for me is the old standby: "If it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all".

Frustration: Trucking's Common Denominator

The temperature is -17C, the wind is blowing and the snow is still falling, not heavily, but the wind is building some large drifts.  I am in Calgary.  It is a Sunday morning.  The trailer I have to hook on to has a four foot high by twelve foot deep pile of snow in front of it.  I am waiting for assistance to get me on my way to Winnipeg.  This has been the way things have gone for the last couple of weeks for me.  Murphys's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.  It seems that bad luck and difficulties come in bunches in this business.  I'm not the first driver to experience that and I certainly won't be the last.  It is a test of your emotional well being when it seems that everything you touch falls apart or at the very least, does not work as it should.

There is a Russian proverb that says: "He that is afraid of bad luck will never know good".  I must be in store for a really big chunk of good luck.  Here's what my last week looked like:

• My dedicated truck is sitting in Edmonton waiting on a new engine.  Lost the #6 piston a week ago - not pretty.  Getting the engine replaced.
  
• Ran a 2800 km switch in a day cab last weekend as a result of the above - that was fun
• Slipped into another truck and started having problems with a temperature sensor (I think) last night.
• This morning I can't get to the trailer to leave the yard - snowed in.

So I wonder how I'm going to make out getting to Winnipeg and back over the next couple of days?  I do know I'm going to enjoy a couple of days off to reset my log book when I get back to Calgary.

That's the way it is out here.  Driver's spend two, three, four weeks or more out on the road dealing with the frustration as best they can.  It's a challenging lifestyle.  It can be difficult to keep in perspective at times.

Vacation Hangover

10/29:  My first day back at work after a week off.  What a lousy day.  I made the mistake of leaving too many errands to do yesterday before leaving for work.  It got so late in the day that I decided to just go to bed early and leave home at two o'clock this morning.  It's only 3:45 in the afternoon and I'm shattered.  I won't make that mistake again.  The thing is, I didn't have it in me to leave last night by the time I had everything packed and ready to throw in the car.  Sometimes you just have to live with your decisions.

 10/29:  The way the day started I thought it was going to be a repeat of yesterday.  I left White River at 5:15 this morning hoping to arrive in Winnipeg by 4:30 in the afternoon to make a delivery.  Even with 7 hours good sleep under my belt I was fighting to stay alert all the way up to Nipigon.  I arrived in Dryden at about 12:30 Winnipeg time.  It was raining.  No way I would get to Winnipeg from Dryden in less than 4 hours.  A 4:30 afternoon delivery wasn't in the cards.  I stopped for lunch.  There's always tomorrow morning.

Winnipeg:  Well, it's a good thing I didn't try to do a delivery today.  I arrived at the Flying J with 0 minutes left on my EOBR.  (Electronic On Board Recorder for those of you not in the know)  Lot's of thoughts coming your way on EOBR's in the near future.

At the very least I'm going to get a really good night's sleep out of this day.

Time Flies: 0903 - 0916

The last time I turned around I was in Edmonton.  That's the way it seems.  A two week period has slipped away before I could get my head around it.  It's odd the way we perceive time.  On the third and fourth I reset my hours of service in Edmonton.  For three days after that I spent my time straight lining across the prairies.  I recall those days as been very long.  On one hand time seems to pass in the blink of an eye and on the other it seems to drag on without end.

On those long days when time seems to be dragging it is difficult to stay in the present moment.  You don't have to be a long haul driver to experience this feeling.  When driving I'm sure most of you have experienced the sensation of looking in the rear view mirror, seeing a red traffic light behind you, then having to ask yourself the question: Did I just drive through a red light?  That is an example of not being in the present moment.  Your mind is elsewhere.  This is most definitely a job hazard long haul drivers experience.  When the weather is clear, the road is straight & clean and the traffic is light - that's a recipe for the mind to take a little detour of it's own.  Many driver's call this boredom.  It's a feeling that seems like it's never going to end.  It often leads to feelings of angst.

Most of the time your days are the opposite of those uneventful days that are dragged out.  They are filled with deliveries, pickups, bad weather, bad roads, bad drivers and too little time to accomplish too many tasks.  Your mind does not have time to be elsewhere, it is focused on the perpetual task at hand.  Many driver's call this stress or tension.  It's a feeling that seems like it's never going to end. It often leads to feelings of angst.

Talk about duality!!  On one hand the time available in our day bores us.  On the other the same amount of time stresses us out because there is too much to do.  On one hand we drive because we enjoy the freedom of the open road.  On the other hand we spend so much time driving it infringes on our personal lives and limits our freedoms.  We are gluttons for punishment aren't we?

Life is difficult!

HOS: Duality & Delusion

"There is the ministry way and there is the industry way."  How many times have you heard that, or a similiar version of that, over the course of your driving career.  There is no doubt that the hours of service rules (HOS) are the most controversial and widely debated issue in the trucking industry.  Certainly from a drivers perspective.  They are the central pillar that our income and home time revolve around.  You would think that these rules would provide consistency and a level playing field across the industry.  But this is certainly not the case.

For years I have operated with the opinion that the HOS regulations are a set of guidelines that are open to my interpretation.  I can stretch them out to maximize my income and available work hours as long as I don't cross that line that sets off alarm bells for an enforcement officer.  An example of this is logging at the speed limit of each jurisdiction you travel in or logging the minimum amount of on duty time that is required for a pre-trip inspection, fuel stop, or pick up.  The net result of this approach is that you actually end up working well in excess of the hours that are mandated in the HOS rules.  Of late I have been asking myself what the personal cost of this approach is.

There is a physical cost.  Drivers are allowed to work up to 70 hours in 7 days.  Think about this.  This is close to the equivalent of 2 weeks work in most other industries.  Issues of fatigue, sleep debt, sleep apnea, poor eating habits and lack of exercise are some of the major factors that contribute to the high stress levels many drivers experience.  The health risks are high and underrated across this industry.  Yet as individuals we compound these issues by operating under the belief that the only way to get ahead is to work longer and harder.  The HOS rules, in the mind of many drivers, become an inhibitor to your productivity rather than an asset in managing your health and well being.  I have subscribed to that belief for most of my driving career.  I believe the 70 hour week is necessary in this industry to look after the needs of the customers we service and keep our employers healthy and on firm financial footing.  This is sensible.  I no longer believe we need to exceed those limitations in order to meet our personal goals and the goals of the employers we work for.

There is an emotional cost as well.  We (drivers) are well aware of the laws we must operate under.  Most of us work for companies that have policies in place that are punitive if we are caught working outside these laws.  Finally we must operate within our own value system.  We seldom discuss our own values of honesty and integrity and how operating outside of these value systems effects our own mental state of well being.  The emotional cost of operating on the outer fringes of compliance while compartmentalizing our integrity at the same time gets little, if any, attention at all within our industry.

We must deal with the duality.  There is the ministry way and there is the industry way.  It is time, as individuals, we found a unified path.  We need that level playing field.  We don't have to agree with all aspects of the HOS rules but we should be able to find a way, as individuals, to work within those rules.


We must deal with the delusion.  Does the only way to earn a decent living in the trucking industry involve working outside of the rules?   I don't believe so.  I believe that approach to be more herd mentality and group think than reality.  I have chosen to work within those rules over the past year with great success.  As I have stated in previous posts, we all have the ability to choose our own path.

Kelowna to Edmonton - 09/02/09

Woke up to clear blue sky in Kelowna.  I headed down to Westbank to get off my last delivery then straight back up through Kelowna to Winfield where I picked up my load for Edmonton.  By the time I was halfway to Kamloops I was into the smoke from the fires burning in the Kamloops area.

It has been a bad year in British Columbia for forest fires.  Very little rain combined with the heat and add to that all of the standing dead wood resulting from the pine beetle infestation, the result is a deadly combination.  Yesterday I was talking with Jack, a receiver at one of our regular deliveries in Salmon Arm.  He lives in the Sorrento area, another area hit hard with fires.  He told me he, like his neighbours has a little bit of acreage to his property.  The authorities have put 2500 gallon inflatable pools (as he described it) in their front yards.  Every day they come around and soak down the area all around the homes.  They have hoses running off the pools around the houses.  They then pump the pools back up to capacity with water tankers.  He doesn't see any end in sight to this until the first snow flies.

The smoke was quite heavy around Kamloops and was in the air all the way up to Clearwater.  That's 125 kilometers.  The picture I have taken is looking south from a rest area on the bank of the North Thompson river, just south of the town of Avola.  This is about 180 kilometers north of Kamloops.  It gives you an idea of just how smokey the province of BC is right now.

Here is a link to CBC news and dozens of pictures of the fires if your interested.

I managed to make it into Edmonton by 02:00 my time at any rate.  A long day.....a long 5 days since I left.

Calgary to Kelowna - 09/01/09

Holy cow!  It's September already. Lot's of chasing around today.  Still have a drop left to do in Kelowna tomorrow, then a pick up the road  in Winfield and then it's off to Edmonton where I'll take a couple of days off, well at least one anyway.

I'm already thinking about getting home again...ahhhh...home.  It seems as soon as I'm there I'm leaving again.

Too tired to write tonight.  Can't seem to hold a thought.  So, goodnight.

Kirkella to Calgary - 08/31/09

Big sky day on the prairies.  I wished I had a plastic bubble over me rather than the cab of the truck.  Not a cloud all day, just blue sky and prairies.  I get lost in myself on days like this.  Just set up the cruise and take it all in - no radio, no ipod, no phone, no CB - just cruisin' - very cool day.

 Took this shot just west of Brooks, Ab. at the rest area after doing my last drop of the day in Brooks.

It was a busy one though.  Over a thousand kilometers and 3 drops.  Another busy one tomorrow too.  Tomorrow it's into the mountains for some interior work.

Thunder Bay to Kirkella, Mb. - 08/30/09

I've been off for a few days. I'm always surprised at how tired I feel the first couple of days back out on the road. Takes a little while to get back in the groove. Funny, but it's the same way when I get home off the road. I like to take at least four days because I spend the first couple going around in circles not knowing what to do with myself. All those little things I think about on the road that I want to get done when I get home seem to overwhelm me. That shouldn't be. Those little things are just that, little things. They still get to me though. Life is difficult. I know, I know, don't sweat the small stuff.

Last couple of days have been busy. I left Friday night (08/28) and have to be in Regina tomorrow morning - 2800 km. Been feeling a little melancholy today as it's my daughter's birthday. Although we celebrated together the other day I often feel I'm passing the important things in life as I fly down the road. It's a job hazard, I know. The whole point of been out here is to support the people you care for - that's the financial reality. It's somewhat of a paradox though. How do you support someone when you're not there ninety percent of the time? Life really is difficult. Life is difficult: that's my new mantra.

Brandon to T-Bay: 08/21/09

Man was I feeling tired today. Thought it might have been the weather in Winnipeg - cold, cloudy and wet again - but I'm sure it was the extra long run I went for earlier in the week when I was in Sicamous. I started running a little over a year ago for fitness, sort of fell of the wagon last winter then took it up with renewed passion in May of this year. Now I'm addicted. I like it. Problem is my brain still feels like a 30 year old but my body let's me know in no uncertain terms when I overdo it. For the most part I've learned to take rest days to recover but with improved fitness comes the feeling of been "bulletproof". That's usually when I get into trouble. (:

Today was very weird weatherwise. Started of sunny in Brandon. Then cloudy, cool and wet in Winnipeg. Then sunny again as soon as I got about 50 km east of the Peg. One of our business partners I was talking to today said he's never seen so much cloud and so little sun. Weird that it always seems to be isolated around Winnipeg. Maybe they will have a warm and dry winter since they have had a wet and cool summer? We can hope. Warm is not a word that comes easily to your lips during the winter in Winnipeg!

Medicine Hat to Brandon - 08/20/09

My favourite time of day is the early morning. I love taking in the sunrise. The light at that time of the day is awesome. Just east of Maple Creek I got into some ground fog. It sat below my windshield as I drove into the sunrise giving you the feeling you were floating in a cloud. Very surreal. As you broke out of the fog all of the tall grass in the median and on either side of the road was coated with large beads of water backlit by the sunrise. Amazing when your moving at 60 mph and you can still see that detail. I love this job. Now I know why so many people like to cycle across the prairies. Moving slowly through that experience would be even more amazing. We were not designed to experience life at 60 mph. Funny, seems more and more people want to move through life at an even faster pace than that.

For a couple of hours after that experience I mulled over that thought. I got to thinking about the hours of service we live by and a prevailing mindset that feels 16 hours in a shift just isn't enough time to allow you to get things done. Starting your day at six or seven in the morning and been able to work through until ten or eleven at night seems like a long enough day to me. I'm not sure I even want to work that hard to earn a respectable living. More on those thoughts later. There was an interesting feature article on the Today's Trucking website this month regarding hours of service. You can check it out here.

The rest of the day panned out as most days do. No major surprises or catastrophes. Although I wanted to end up in Headingley not Brandon but I spent a little too much time stopped over in Regina. C'est la vie. There is always tomorrow.

Addiction or Conditioning?

I've struggled composing this post. I was originally going to share with you how easy it was for me to stop smoking. I soon discovered that time had tainted my memory. Stopping smoking remains one of the most difficult things I have ever undertaken and also one of the most satisfying. It has been almost 9 years since I stopped. The process I went through was far more than just ending an addiction to nicotine. The physical addiction, as it turns out, was far easier to give up than the habit itself. By that I mean the emotional dependency. I had conditioned myself to smoke over the course of my lifetime. Hook them when their young and you hook them for life. That was the maxim that defined my habit. Smoking was part of my self image. I liked to smoke. I enjoyed smoking. But I knew it was creating and causing negative health issues in my life. I needed to change. But I didn't want to. Sound familiar?

I have realised that every time I made the effort to stop smoking up until that point I was only treating the physical addiction. I never addressed the real craving I had. Every time I lit up I was filling a desire in my mind for something. I was curing my stress. I was ending my boredom in that moment. I was giving myself a relaxing moment. I was taking a break. So every time I quit I was forcing myself to stop doing something that I really enjoyed doing. That's a recipe for failure. How do you ever stop doing something you really enjoy doing and why would you want to? So I changed my mindset. I gave myself something that was more important to me than the enjoyment of that smoke. I didn't realise it at the time though.

Three or four months before my fortieth birthday I remembered a story told to me by a woman I worked with in the early 80's. She stopped smoking and never went back to it by making the act of quitting a gift to herself. A birthday present. I remember her saying it gave her a different outlook, a different approach. So I committed myself to the same approach. Once I made that commitment to myself an interesting thing started to happen when I lit up. My resolve to stop became stronger and my desire to light up became weaker. I started to see that I was giving myself a gift of good health not giving up a part of what made me who I was. For the first time I really wanted to stop smoking. I'm not saying this was easy when I reached that fateful day of my fortieth birthday. I was pretty sick for a couple of weeks. The diffference from all the previous efforts that I had made was that I had no desire in my mind to start smoking again. I found myself wanting to not smoke. I had unwittingly found a way to break the conditioning I had built up over my lifetime. For the first time I thought of myself as a non smoker. Does that make sense to you?

Think now about this trucking lifestyle. Whether we are talking about issues of health, hours of service, speed limiters, or any other hot button topic, we are often stuck in a vicious cycle. A negative mindset that can be destructive in so many different ways. After 10 years in this business I've learned one thing that I'm certain of: Truck driver's love to drive down the most difficult of roads. I think it's the challenge. I've also learned that the best driver's in this business are always able to find a detour around the difficulties on those roads. That's a lesson we can all apply to our own personal paths. Life is a journey filled with many difficulties and many rewards. We can follow the same roads day after day or we can break out of that groove and try something new, something different. That new path may have a reward at the end that was unlooked for. The tough part is that the new path you discover usually looks like a donkey path through the mountains when you first notice the turnoff.

Happy Trails!!

Choosing A Healthy Lifestyle On The Road

Truck drivers have a life expectancy 10 to 15 years less than the average North American male. That is a grim statistic. Average life expectancy for males in North America is 76 years. Women live an average of 4 to 5 years longer than men. Obesity, smoking, fatigue, lack of exercise, sexually transmitted disease and poor eating habits are the prevalent reasons for reduced life expectancy in our profession. That information does not come as a surprise to those of us that have worked as drivers for any length of time. It is generally accepted that this is the lifestyle of the trucking industry. More and more of us are no longer willing to accept this lifestyle that puts us on a path to poor health and a shortened life. That been said, living a healthy lifestyle on the road is no easy task. It is very difficult. It requires a commitment and a lot of self discipline. I can speak to this from experience. How many of you have tried to quit smoking, to eat healthier, to diet or to get some exercise while on the road only to find the changes add more stress to your day. We tell ourselves that we don't have enough time to live a healthier life. So we revert to old habits convincing ourselves it is either too difficult or not worth the effort to change. We accept the status quo.

It is possible to change. There is not a magic wand to wave or a miracle pill to swallow. You start by recognizing the adversity, difficulty and discomfort you must deal with in your everyday life. There are many hardships we have in common as drivers. Stress, anxiety, fatigue, separation from family and friends and physical discomfort to name just a few. Be honest with yourself regarding the suffering you endure on a daily basis. Once you do you will find that the causes of those daily hardships you face are much easier to deal with. You do not have to accept the status quo. It's your life and you can live it how you choose too. Your choices determine the outcome. If you want to live a healthier life, a less stressful life, a more fulfilling life, all you have to do is choose to do so. This may seem overly simplistic but it is very true. We spend far too much time searching for external causes to internal issues. We stubbornly hang on to states of mind and habits that, upon reflection, are of little or no benefit to us. Recognizing your ability to choose is a catalyst to making change.

In the year 2000 I set a long term goal for myself. I wanted to be in the best physical condition I could possibly be in on my fiftieth birthday. That day comes in 2010. I knew that this was doable over a ten year period. I did not know that it would be the roller coaster ride that it has been. I've fallen of the healthy lifestyle wagon more times than I can count. I've learned a lot about myself along the way and it's not over yet. The good news is I am now a non smoker, rather than a two pack a day smoker, and I am 75 pounds lighter than I was at my heaviest in 2001. The greatest benefit is that I am happier and live my life with much more ease than I have in many years. Getting healthy and staying healthy on the road is possible. It is your choice.